Jan 14 2008
What would you do if you find out your spouse is cheating?
Like many women, I have been thinking of this all the time. I thought I would be strong. I thought I would be calm and walk out of the relationship with dignity. But some time ago I knew I am not what I imagined I am.
No, no, no. I didn’t find my husband cheating! Well, I have full faith of him, hopefully not a fool myself.
As triggled by Tot’s mom’s recent post on cheating spouse, I remembered a lousy dream I had many months ago.
In that dream, I found out my husband slept with another lady. Instead of what I want myself to do in this situation i.e. say calmly to him that I want a divorce, in my dream I actually broke down with tears. I lost my dignity completely in my dream. I cried, I begged, I thought of committing suicide, I tried to do anything so that he could leave that woman, etc. And I woke up in tears and still sobbing!
What a stupid dream, but it made me realize a truth – no matter how strong I look like, or how strong I want to be, I am just a sack of cotton – very soft inside. 
Cheating, to me, is a definite NO NO. No matter hpw great the person is or was in every other aspect, once he/she cheats it changes everything and it can never ever go back to what it was.
My ex boyfriend cheated on me and i immediately kicked his sorry ass out of my life…once a cheater always a cheater…and i just don’t have the time to worry to death if he is gonna cheat on me again
Not only that, a person who cheats on you is knowingly and consciously hurting you….and do you really want someone like that in your life?
everyone is a all strong and steady on the outside but there’s definitely a soft spot too.
sabrina has a strong point but i am just wondering if there’s anything like second chance? just wondering
Have faith in your husband. Not all men are thinking using the wrong head. I for one do not cheat on my girlfriend, not even once. So I think you are worrying about it too much even though everything is fine. But then, some people will say it is good to plan for the worse.
Like me, I didn’t think about it until one day, my ex-gf cheated on me with her colleague, and I found out much later (while i was still in the states) and she begged me for months so I gave her a second chance. After I came back to M’sia, only I found out that she was still cheating with her colleague so I just walked out of the relationship. So yeah, Sabrina is right, a cheater will continuously cheat.
That’s so cute. ( I mean u cried when u woke up) I guess your husband is a very lucky man to have you.
Man!!! *sigh* I dun know what to say about them. I dun understand my one at home too.
Btw, no matter how tough a woman looks, I am sure there is a soft spot in her heart.
A sensitive topic, this. Like you, I cried once when the thought of hubby with another woman entered my mind. It was purely hypothetical but I cried just the same. I thought reason would be enough to handle such situation but you’re right. Love is the heart’s job, not the mind’s.
Xpressnick is right. Your hubby is a very lucky man to have you
yup, human beings are like durian, thorny and strong on the outside, but soft and vulnerable in the inside. thanks for sharing. well, may you and your husband last forever! (:
Wow! I didn’t expect to receive so many comments in a day.
Thanks everyone for visiting, and the effort to comment.
Sabrina: To trully forgive someone is really the hardest part. There is no point of forgiving, if the thorn is still in your heart. So, I guess you did the right thing. Furthermore, no children involved, it is probably easier to walk out…
Satkuru: Giving a second chance ah? I think to give someone a second chance, we need to know whether we can really forgive him, and never to mention that again. Not only the guy should not cheat again, the other party must not mention, as if it has never happened. Otherwise no point to give a second chance.
Adrian: I actually have full faith on my hubby, and I never question where he is and what he is doing. I won’t even wonder in my mind! That’s why I find my dream quite stupid. Probably that is my subconscious mind that is still doubting?
Sorry to hear you being cheated…
Xpressnick: Hehehe, actually in my dream, I didn’t even know who is the woman and I just ‘know’. That is even more silly isn’t it?
Choonie/nurul:
I was hoping I could take it with more dignity, but so soft like a real looser… LOL!
Silvery: Hahaha! Sensitive topic? Guess so, otherwise why so many comments (more than usual!)?
Yup, you put it so right: Love is the heart’s job, not the mind’s – I like that!
hey there,
Based on my experience, what we normally dream about will alwas turn out to be totall different in reality, most of the time the opposite will occur. So cheers.
Thanks for the link to my post here. Much appreciated. Personally, I think we all like to think we will walk out and never look back if we have a cheating spouse. But over the years, I have realised that circumstances may not make it so easy to do so. It really depends on what each person wants at that point of time and the priorities in life.
i would just pack my bags and leave. i don’t think i could live with it… to be constantly reminded of his unfaithfulness and to always have doubt in him in the future…
I tell you I have the same dream like yours last year. After waking up, I found that I’m still crying and the sadness still within me. I scold my poor sleeping husband…. Pity him. He doesn’t know I have a stupid dream and suddenly got scolded.
In the dream I never beg my husband back but I’m so stupid to cry for his sympathy. Finally he still goes away with the woman. This dream give me a very hard fact that once man cheated on woman, they won’t turn back no matter how loud we cry.
This kind of dream actually is a good sign for relationship. I don’t know this is true or not but better believe it than having doubt on my husband. Sometime relationship needs trust.
After the dream I hug my husband tightly and then I suddenly realized I love him so much already. Silly right!
Reading your post makes me realise that no matter how I show my front to be strong, I really like my comfort zone the way it is now. I always tell my husband that if her ever cheat, i will go to Canada (cos i like the life there before), do a one and a half year law school there (cos we cant practice with our British degree unless we top up another 1 1/2 yr law school) and stay on there to practice, leaving both kids with him and that i dont want “excess baggage” But in reality, its just a false front, I know I couldnt bear to leave my kids with him if anything really happen. HOnestly, your post leaves me with startling thoughts. What would i actually do if such things happened. And like you, i also realise that despite all the silly fights, i do love him dearly
Ch@rlie: Great! Hope what you said is right…
I never know much about dreams! LOL!
Tot’s Mom: You’re welcome. I think as our priority changes in life, what we would do gets change all the time as well, isn’t it?
slowcatchupkuan: Hmm… to do that, I think you’ll need some courage too. I remember when a friend wanted to breakup with her bf, she was the one crying a lot.
Jasmyne: Hahahaha! That is really hilarious. Your hubby must be puzzled, suddenly got scolded. LOL! I only sob.
allthingspurple: That’s the point! We are very likely end up doing completely opposite of what we wanted ourselves to. No more dignity. LOL!
i used http://www.aretheyfaithful.com to see if my husband was flirting with other women on myspace (he’d be on so late always).
when they sent me the report, i was pleased to see that he was completely faithful and even said what she was saying was making him uncomfortable! i guess it doesn’t always end well, but needless to say.. i was happy