Jan 29 2008
Stupid gift giving culture during CNY
I always feel awkward when people come visiting me during CNY, and bring along a hamper or goody bag. After I moved out and have my own family, I learnt that I am expected to return something.
My first year after married, I didn’t prepare with anything to return. I must be seen as rude.
The next year, MIL was very thoughtful, she prepared a package for me.
Then, the stupid ‘game’ started. ‘A’ came visiting, with package A. I returned with MIL’s package. Then ‘B’ came with package B, I returned with package A. ‘C’ came with package C, I returned with package B, and it went on.
Isn’t this stupid? I really hope people will stop bringing things to my house when they visit. I did tell them, every time, but still this repeats every year. For that reason, I am very reluctant to have visitors (who bring things) during CNY. True friends would not bother with such thing.
Another silly thing is, when I visited others house, I was also given a package even though I didn’t bring anything! This made me feel very uneasy. I never thought of the courtesy to bring along something. To me, the angpow (red envelope with money) is already good enough, why bother with those gifts.
You might say that I am rude not bring anything over. But come on! I only visit my childhood friends’ house, and some of the houses I visited nearly weekly during those days. If we do go out for dinner nowadays, I do stop by too. Why must it be different during CNY?
Furthermore, those gifts aren’t really good gifts. They are junks and no body really want to eat them - at least in my house. Usually it contains 2 Mandarin oranges and a pack of chocolate waffer or peanuts - that’s it!
Sometimes, when CNY is over, I really don’t know what to do with them. Can we all stop doing this? It is really a waste of money and effort, and adding stress to others.
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Wow.. Correct! Same Problem here! My mom say that too… The Winner of the Game will be the manufacture. Some hamper really no value. Rubbish inside. makan tak boleh minum tak boleh.
“last year one still place at there collecting dust!!”
Yeah. I would prefer it too if ppl who came to visit just bring themselves!
礼尚往来, 来而不往, 非礼也! I also hate all this customary act…neighbors always give us hamper, dun return also seems rude, if give them ahead, they will return gifts also…sian. I leave this job to my hubby…he’s good at that.
I guess it’s about custom, courtesy and some things like mandarin oranges are symbols of good luck, meaning others are wishing you well. In Hong Kong, gifts are even nicely wrapped and you bring them along when you go visiting. The popular items here are chocolates, sweets, cookies - meaning everything will be sweet for the year. Like you, I didn’t buy anything the first year when I celebrated CNY in Hong Kong but now, I’m playing along.
LOL…on the way you ‘recyle’ the gifts.
hmm…my family and I don’t get lots of packages like these, perhaps this only for the rich ppl ?? …;p
But I was chided once by a friend’s mom that I brought ‘2 banana combs’ to her house….when I was still studying! ….geez….materialistic
yeah, i don’t really like all these things too but i guess it is just a custom … i always think of it as people wishing me well.
usually i will prepare some peanuts or some dates and 2 oranges. my hubby thinks i am stingy because i give so small things. my argument is that it is the thought that counts, does not mean i need to translate that to a whole crate of oranges!!!
lol
I think people that bring gift when visiting is being courteous. But CNY normally Chinese practice bring oranges when visiting (which sometime i do it).
People that give gift willingly should not expect a return lor. Like me, if i wanna bring gift along for visiting, i will tell them i don’t expect any returns.
Sigh..but hor..some Chinese custom does not make sense la….
Why must give ang pow? *blink*
Only the rubbish collectors, guards and janitors enjoy cos I usually give everything to them. I don’t allow my kids to eat Mandarin oranges cos it always cause cough due to allergies and whatever they put in there or those mouldy bad ones cause it. I hate this too but boh pien, people give. I never bother. My angpows welcoming enough liao.
I guess it’s all in the culture and we just have to play along with it. Btw, you got a simple tag. Check it out here
http://a-moms-diary.blogspot.com/2008/01/prettiest-mom-tag.html
Yes, I faced the same problem. Usually what I collect from A, I give to B, from B I give to C, etc. What to do, need to respect old folks.
I have to agree wholeheartedly with you Suzette! I’ve luckily never experienced THAT much gift giving but even what I have experienced very quickly gets to be too much, and is usually stuff I don’t need, eat, etc. You hit it right on the button! The problem for me is how rude it would seem, and counter-culture of me to ask people to not give me anything, or even to cut back on the gift giving. I’d be looked at as cheap and a “Scrooge” for not wanting to do things they way they’ve always been done. It’s kind of a sad cycle we’re all stuck in until enough people think like you and me and actually voice our opinions. I think come next year I will have to start asking the in laws, who are especially guilty of this, to calm down with the unnecessary gift-giving.
Wow! So many response, dunno where to begin! LOL!
BTW, one additional point to share: one hamper given by agency, was still left in the office unopened –> sitting there for 3 years already! I’m sure inside all rotten liao!
shukuen7788: Hahaha! My mom also said the same thing, but still she had to do it - also because others give her something.
MG: guess you also the type that won’t give something unless others give you?
Elaine: At least you can pass this ‘task’ to your hubby. Mine? He would not response with anything if others bring gifts. LOL!
Tot’s Mom: Yup, I heard that too, in HK this is 100% necessary! You really can’t run away from it. Also, people will also judge you from what you give out as well. At least here in KL, we just give cheap cheap stuff also never mind. LOL!
aiyu: Hahaha, 2 bananas? Can’t believe people realy teased you on that! Anyway, if you come to my house, now you know - please don’t bring anything.
Busy Bee: never mind the items inside. Most of the stuff I received in the past, consist of: 2 oranges + 1 pack of nuts, or 2 oranges + 1 pack of waffles, etc. Just the basic 2 oranges must be in. LOL!
Stephanie: Ya, you are right about people are just trying to be nice and courteous when they did that. But that makes me not courteous. Kekekekeke! I am bad, and I don’t want others look good. Kekekeke!
Lilian: Ya, angpow is sufficient isn’t it?! My boss also like to give all her hamper/gifts that she received to the cleaners and guards - they really appreciate, as you rightly pointed out.
a-mom-diary: Thanks for the tag, will do it up asap! Seems like the same tag is passed on by a few bloggers at the same time huh!
michelle: You only got this from old folks? So nice… why I got this from younger folks - even younger than me?!
kate: Thanks for dropping by and left a comment. You are so right about the part that it makes us look rude if not reciprocate. I also wonder for people who don’t recycle, what do they do with their gifts. They are not all that useful stuff.