Suzette's Parenting and Breastfeeding Blog

This Bangkok trip (Mon-Tue) was different from the past.  That is because one of my best friend SM is now living there.

I only had one evening on Monday to see her due to tight schedule.  She picked me up from the hotel at around 6pm, and we spent the night till very late.  I was actually quite tired, but I still force myself to stay awake!  Precious time flies very fast…

We had dinner at a very nice Thai restaurant, with very nice ambience and unique concept.  I’m still waiting for her to send me photos of the food there before I can blog about it in LazyBone.

Then, she told me about how cheap the undies (branded) are.  We went there to get some.  On the way, she mentioned about cheap clothes.  Since I haven’t bought any new clothes for myself lately (more than a year?), we adjoined to the night market in front of Carefour.  Not very cheap as I thought, but quite good quality and design.  I bought quite a lot for myself.  First time I buy lots of things for myself in my trips!

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Lately when I travel, almost every flight has something commendable, if you notice.

Yesterday, I flew back from Bangkok.  After landed in KLIA, all of us rushed up to the escalator, and found that the door was locked.  More and more people jammed up behind the door, and the escalator is one-way and keep sending more people.

Angry first class passengers knocked the glass door.  Security guards passed by, saw us, and walked away (??!!).  As it was late at night, the airport was quite empty and quiet, not many people noticed us.

Finally, an angmo boy, about 9 or 10 years, saw us while he was licking his ice cream.  His jaw dropped, eye widely opened, and then started laughing – as if looking at a bunch of idiots in a zoo.

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I was away for 4 days in Manila.  I came back on Friday night.  Saturday morning, I found out that she could crawl already!  I’m not sure on which day she started crawling.

We got to watch out more on her already.  Unlike Ian, she is not scared of exploring everything.  Ian finds her irritating coz she keeps going near him and ‘steals’ his toys and pushes his block buildings etc.  We are all anticipating that Isabel will be the one bullying Ian in the future.  Let’s see after few years. 

Recently I really have no luck with my flights.  In my immediate last trip to Beijing, I ended up landed in Shanghai.  When I came back, due to bad weather and air traffic congestion, we waited an hour in the aircraft before it was allowed to take off.

And today, my flight took-off from Manila, an hour later it landed back to Manila, due to some problems with the aircraft.

Actually, after the flight took-off for 30 minutes, the seat belt sign has not been switched off.  I waited and waited because of my need to express my EBM.  I’ve already sensed something not right.

Then, I admired the scene outside the window, and started imagining what the cloud ressemble (we were just above the cloud).  After a while, I felt that the plane turned right.  I wondered: hey, why is the sun on my left?  Aren’t we heading the West?

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What is my emotion now?  I don’t know.  I have just released my thoughts in a protected post.  I cannot risk her or anyone in the office to read my blog.

Going back to my initial question…  What is my feeling now?  Really mixed.  I am sad.  I am frustrated.  I am angry (with whom?  myself?)  I regret.  I…  I just want to cry.  And I am starting to cry now.  Oh!  Gosh!  Stop it!

I am lost.  I don’t know how to handle this situation.  I am very lousy.  I am just so lousy that I don’t know how to handle relationship.  Everythings I say, I say it wrong.  Every steps I do, I do them wrong.  Every words I write, I write them wrong.

If I am always been misinterpreted, it must be my problem.

I wish I can live in a shell alone, don’t have to deal with any human being.  I am just too lousy in this.  I am just not good in everything.  I feel so down, so little, so inadequate, so…