Dec 15 2006
Inadequate Mother
In the last 3 events that I was away – twice in Beijing, once in downtown KL last week, Ian had fever either the day I left, or the day before.
Isabel also had the same syndrome, but fever started on the last day of my trips.
I thought it was separation anxiety, but paed said impossible as fever cannot be tricked.
Whatever it is, I really feel inadequate to be a good mother.
When my children needed me most to be by their side, I was missing in other places. I really feel guilty and sorry to them. I never feel more like now, the urge to get a job that is grounded.
Early next year will have a lot more traveling to do, as we terminated our contract with existing supplier. New tender will take place, means that I will need to travel a lot. I’m not sure my boss’s plan on how to split the countries. I guess she will take her favorite countries like Thailand, and will most likely pass me Indonesia, Pakistan, India and Philippines. 
I just hope I won’t be away for too long. Thinking of it already make me sick…
Even though i’m not married, i can imagine how difficult it is to juggle between work and family. It’s more so when you have kids.
Well, i think you are a good mother. From the way you wrote about them all the time in your blog, i can tell how much you love them. Don’t feel bad.
Hang in there!
Hang in there!
I do not think you are an inadequate mother at all.
However, I guess it is easier said than done.
I feel the same way too sometimes, but then you are working hard for them, so, in a way you are actually there for them.
Cheer up!
as mothers, we do what we have to to get by. do not fret, your children will understand (do understand!). and the philippines (where i am from) is a great country with a lot of beautiful beaches like boracay and palawan (the last frontier!)
cheers