Suzette's Parenting and Breastfeeding Blog

Not sure I’ve written about this before.  I had the intention to write this many months ago, but since I couldn’t find it now I assume I hadn’t done so…

Since Ian was still an infant, I have insisted that he uses a car restraining system whenever he is inside a car.  He has outgrown the rear and front facing car seats now, and is already in the booster.  We have been successfully implemented this, and this is kind of like a ‘must-have’ for him already.

He is now not only having good travel/car-seat behaviour, he is also the ’safety endorser’ in our family.

If he sees his dad not buckles the seat belt yet, he will shout: “Daddy!  Seat belt please!”.  He will keep doing it until the seat belt is fastened.

This saves me trouble of making sure everyone else fasten their seat belts.  Well, many people have the habits of fastening seat belt only when they reach the main road, forgetting many accidents actually happen in car park or even smaller residential roads.

My little safety ambassador at home. 

I know she dislikes me.  She always shows irritated/ frowned/ aggitated look, whenever she sees me or talks to me.

We don’t have lunch together anymore, whenever possible.  When we go out, we have nothing to say except work.  Well, actually I prefer not to say much, coz I worry more-talking-more-wrong (说多错多).

I am not a sociable person.  I am not good at speech.  I am not good at handling jokes - neither do I laugh nor know how to response if jokes are around me.  I don’t know how to create topic, especially when I’m with people not that closed to me, or with those people I have to be very careful with my words.

I really find it tough to stay on.  How to stay on when I know she dislikes me - no effort to disguise at all from her side.  I really don’t know how to smile genuinely or speak with her socially any more, when what I’m facing is a dark/sour/frowned face all the time.

Don’t know how long I have to endure this.  Sigh!  How I wish for financial independance now.  Sigh!  Another 20+ years of work before I can retire.  And retire doesn’t mean I am financially independant yet…

Well, I guess I am the one who screwed up this whole thing.  I have been putting more emphasis on family than work.  Unable to stay up late and work on weekends means that my effective working hour is shorter.  Workload is not reduced according to my hours, so I have to work things faster by skimming through instead of going through in detail - thus making mistakes (miss out things).  I am also not daring to change things any more, afraid those are the things she wants, not knowing how wrong I am.

I know what’s the solution, but I don’t think I can or want to do it - that is, to have more focus in work than family.  Well, actually, I don’t know even if I put more focus will salvage or not.

Anyway, I just find it hard to be happy here any more.  I like the benefits, but not the environment.  Nothing is perfect.  Just endure it, Suzette…, for the best of the family.

我想, 我已把我的工作搞砸了. 哎! 怎么补救呢? 真糟糕. 很讨厌这样. 真不顺利. 以为已经做得很好, 但其实不然, 错误百出.

如果丢了饭碗… 哎, 不要这样想… 最多, 只是不得老板欣赏, 没得升职加薪 - 希望只是这样而已. 哎, 越战战兢兢, 就越多错误. 要不得.

A couple of days ago, I saw some blood stains on Ian’s bedsheet.  DH told me it was from the scratches on Ian’s leg, due to mosquito/ant bites.  We have yet to change the bedsheet (we do it every Sat/Sun).

Last night, I ‘chased’ Ian back to his own bed, he suddenly said: “Mama!  Ian shit shit!”

I thought I heard wrongly.  Asked him to repeat, still the same thing: “Ian shit shit!”

I finally understood that he was referring to the blood stain.  So I asked, “Oh, are you referring to the blood?” and he said “Yes.”

Then, I asked him, “The blood is from Ian yourself.  Do you feel pain-pain or not?”

Ian said, “Yes, pain-pain”

I then followed up, “So, the blood came from where?”

Ian pointed at his own butt as he responded, “From Ian ng-ng there” (’ng-ng’ means ‘pangsai’, i.e. pass motion!)

:D  I think he doesn’t really understand what is blood.  He must still be thinking of shit, as in his own stool!  He must have related the blood stain to something dirty like his own shit, coz it was brownish in colour!  I really LOL! 

Last Saturday was my best friend’s wedding.  Actually it clashes with my cousin’s one in Ipoh.  But since I didn’t attend the one in Ipoh (nightmare if have to bring Isabel - she can scream all the way there!), I went to my best friend’s instead.

This is T, the best friend who married a Hungarian guailou.  I am so happy for her.  The whole Hungarian family and friends travelled all the way here for the reception and morning tea ceremony.

Another best friend, S, became T’s bride’s maid.  They both look marvellous and the bride was stunning beautiful.  I know the cost of the dinner is very high, but seriously I forgot how much already (T told me once).  I have given angpao 2 times the normal rate, but know that S is giving 3 times.  I can’t afford that lah, coz I was paying for two! 

Anyway, very sad that W couldn’t join us as she is now working in Germany.

I just found out recently that she has just divorced.  I feel so bad that I am always not there for my friends.  I know nothing about her divorce.  Everytime when they meet up for catching up, I’d be caught up with kid’s thingy - either left earlier not unable to make it. 

Anyway, back to the happy thing first… T will be back to Shanghai this coming Sun.  I’ll see if I can see her before she leaves.  Originally wanted to meet on Wed, but she can’t make it.  They are arranging this Sat, but then it is my cousin’s KL tea ceremony and wedding dinner, which I definitely cannot skip.  Really 两头为难 ler!