May 22 2006
Confinement Ahead
I have been reading other mommies’ blogs about their 2nd confinement. I really envy them.
I have been trying to make arrangements for my confinement, but never come to one that I am satisfied, and I have to settle for this one now.
I will be confined at my mother’s house, with the new born. My mother will be my confinement lady, with the help of my maid.
However, MIL doesn’t want to ‘let go’ of Ian. She wants Ian to stay with her during the day. And everyone insisted that Ian will sleep with his father at night, in our own apartment.
So, day and night, I will not be seeing Ian or be with him. At most, if DH is free at night (hardly ever in the past 1 year), he will bring Ian to visit me and baby.
My boss warned me that the arrangement might make Ian jealous of the little sister, thinking that she stole mama away from him. I am worried of that too, and I am sure I will miss Ian too.
I am so sad of this, but no one is on my side. Everyone keep saying I should rest and should not let Ian disturbs me. My mother is not supportive of me too, coz she says she is unable to take care of Ian (too mischievious).
I just don’t understand, why every other mothers, with just the help of 1 other person (confinement lady, or MIL, or own mother), can go through the whole confinement period, with their other children? And for me, I’ve already got a maid, and with the help of another person, I am still restricted from staying with my son?!!!
I can’t stand the idea of being separated from Ian for one whole month. Why they must make this thing so dreadful for me? The first confinement is already such a nightmare, and why everyone is trying to make it another nightmare for me? The closer it is to my EDD, the more I feel sad, worried and fear of confinement.
Like my friend said to me last time: confinement, by the word of it, is not holiday, it means imprisoned! 
Poor you ..! you shouldn’t be feeling sad.. like this..! i really wish ppl would respect your wishes..
It is really not a good idea.. for Ian not to see you for so long. .
Talk again to your mother about it.. and since you have a maid.. there shouldn’t be too much of a problem… i would think.
MamaBok: Sigh! Not only mother won’t budge, MIL also – she won’t let go of Ian. She *wants* Ian during the day. And then, Ian is not closed to my mom, and my mom is scared that she can’t handle him – even I am around. They keep saying that I shouldn’t take care of him – to me, I don’t see it as taking care of him. I see it as being together with him. Nothing much to do except to play with him only! I really don’t see how difficult it is. Maybe I am wrong, but I just wonder if they can let me try it out first… I really don’t know whether anyone would let me try out…
err… I think for the sake of the healthy of your new born baby… try to keep Ian from the baby for at least 1-2 weeks… just a safety precaution
Wuah…like that oso can? I don’t think it is a good idea ler and hope you work out something. Remember that the first few days and weeks, the focus is on the older child lor. As long as the new one got fed with milk, the rest of the bonding can wait, IMHO. ‘Cos at Ian’s age, they still very sticky lor. Even my 3 yrs old got this look when I asked him if I can have a baby to care. He freaked out with jealousy just by the mention of it. All the best lah, but remember not to get these into depression hor?
Sorry to hear about your situation. Try not to be so upset for your babies sakes, for your newborn as well as for Ian. Ian being older may sense your unhappiness and this may confuse him even more. Lets try to look at the bright side instead. You have a mum who is wonderful enough to take care of you during confinement, a mil who can look after your firstborn while you are resting and a hubby who can take care of Ian at night all by himself plus a maid to help out. What more could you ask for right? So just sit back, rest and recuperate and enjoy all the help that you have. One month will pass quickly enough and things will be back to normal in no time. I didn’t have any of that help you have. No mother or mother in law or confinement lady or maid. Everything I had to do by myself. Hardly slept or rested at all during the confinement period. Had to recover from caesaeraen, had very bad gastric from medications give for infection, breast pain from breastfeeding, stomach pain from gastric, caesarean wound pain, everywhere pain, no one to help me out and still had to take care of newborn and toddler. Pengsan!
Oh, poor you. Seperated from Ian for a whole month…how awful. I was seperated from DD for 1 night during my hospital stay and was already pining for my little girl. But on the other hand, u do need the rest. Hope u’ll find some sort of compromise or solution to ur dilemma.
Hmmm… maybe u should take full rest during the 1st few days or 1st week, thereafter, can try to “negotiate” with MIL, can let Ian play with u like every alternate day for few hours, then let your DH pick him up in the evening?
Hey, dont stress yourself out. You can do like what some mums do, buy 2 presents… 1 from baby to Ian, and one for Ian to give to baby. Ivan was also staying with his papa (maid followed of course) during my confinement… alternate weeks lor, coz papa also misses him. One week stay with papa, and the next come stay with mummy in Ah Ma’s house. Works okay lah, and everyone is happy
Confinement will be over before you know it the 2nd time around.
Your worries stress me too, suddenly i feel like if i have second one, my case will exactly like your case. Aiyo, thrilling now!
I had a nightmare confinement last time too.