Suzette's Parenting and Breastfeeding Blog

Another post from Shopping Mum that triggers me to write again!

I come from a small family, and I have only one younger sister.

When I was very young, I couldn’t understand why my sister always feel mom and dad favor me more. We used to think she was sensitive and we always thought no one compares her with me, and she was the only person who compares.

The situation only turned better, after she took a completely different path in her study subject from mine. No apple-to-apple comparison can be made any more.

But seriously, now thinking back, I guess I was the lucky one. I was born first, and I got all the attention in the family. Not only my small family, but even from the greater extended family. My mom is the eldest in her family, and my first cousin is 6 years junior.

So, imagine that I enjoyed all the attention and I happened to excel in my academic performance too.

My sister, on the other hand, always lives in my shadow. Whether they did it intentionally or not, the adults do make some comparison.

Even for myself, I was also being compared – but with my own self. Once I scored 100 in kindergarten, they expect me to consistently score 100 all the way for all exams until I graduated from Uni. I was also very stressed, by just being compared to MYSELF.

I can’t imagine being compared to another person, whom you love but also hate because of the comparison.

I guess my sister’s feeling on me is really a mix. I know she loves me. But frankly speaking, if I were in her shoes, would I also hate me?

Like Shopping Mum, I am also telling myself to be careful when I bring up my children. I have already warned MIL and DH – coz I could see tendencies in MIL loving Ian more. She has the record for this with her own children. DH is number 2, and DH’s grandma used to scold MIL for loving BIL more than DH. Of course, she has her excuse for it, which I’m not sure valid or not, it was in the past anyway.

People have been asking about my #2’s gender.

Not that I don’t want to tell. I actually don’t know yet.

We scanned twice already, once on 20th week, once on 24th week. But during both scans, baby’s legs are closed. We could only peep a little bit.

And from the peeping, we couldn’t see any ‘thing’. So, on the first scan, doc said 60% chance is a girl. On the second scan, around 70-80% chance is a girl.

As I am wishing for a girl, I naturally assume this is a girl, and started to think of a baby girl’s name etc.

Maybe this baby wants to surprise me. Anyway, when I was conceiving Ian, I only knew his gender after 7 months.

This morning after I left the house, halfway driving I received an SMS from DH.

He told me he has left a surprise for me in the glove compartment.

It was really a good surprise, because I didn’t expect him to buy me anything on this unimportant date – well, we don’t really celebrate today mah!

The surprise is a name card holder, which I told him I lost mine last month. I have been searching for my old name card holder for a few months and couldn’t locate it.

But then, remember I blogged about being forgetful? I am still that forgetful, because…

After I received this card holder, I thought of where should I put it in the bag so it won’t be scratched. My thinking process led me to a compartment in my bag – which is the same thinking process that led me to the place I kept my old name card holder ==> Dadadada! I found my old name card holder there! This is a compartment that I hardly open/use.

I hope he doesn’t read my blog today, and if he reads I hope he doesn’t feel upset by this.

Anyway, I love the name card holder he gave – much more lovely that my old one, and look more professional!

I am really a big head prawn (forgetful)!

Today, I have a very sentimental mood, because it is Valentine’s Day today. It is also our wedding anniversary.

I still remember, on 19 Jan 1993…  We were only slightly over 19 years old. It was after school. In a KFC restaurant downtown, I agreed to be DH’s girl friend.

Few days after that, it was CNY. On the eve’s night, DH came all the way to my house after the reunion dinner. He gave me a piece of RM1 note, folded into a heart shape. He told me he has been keeping it for a long time, and forgot how to make another one already. I was very touched (well, young girl, easily conned). :p

Those days were so romantic and sweet. We were students and unable to afford expensive gifts. But we gave each other very sweet and touching handmade items. Price doesn’t matter, most importantly is the effort and meaning that come with it. DH is always very creative, and he is still very creative now. He can make very special and nice stuff out from very simple material – only if he has the time.

Our love story is really a ‘love marathon’ (爱情长跑). We started in early 1993, and only married officially (registered) on the Valentine’s Day in 2000, before my ex-employer seconded me to Singapore. The customary wedding took place in Nov 2001.

Well, why we registered on Valentine’s Day? It was really not intentional, and in fact I hate to join the crowd too.

That year, I was seconded to Singapore, and I had to leave by 19 Feb. We were planning a lot on our wedding and needed to buy house etc. We wanted to get registered before I left, but all dates were fully booked – except Valentine’s! Strange, right? Actually when we checked for the available dates, the registration department just released another 10 slots to accommodate for Valentine’s Day!

So, that’s how we got married on Valentine’s Day. Not a good day, coz we can’t really celebrate – don’t like to ‘fight’ with the crowd for gifts or eating places, etc. Don’t want to spend extra money for the stupid roses (though I still love to receive flowers!).

To DH: Happy Valentine’s Day and Happy Anniversary!

Shopping mum blogged about this. And in fact, I am in the same dilemma.

I guess it is natural – we have been through the first pregnancy and have learnt a lot along the way. We are not that excited about this pregnancy, but it doesn’t mean we love this second child less. When I am rationale, I tell myself this way.

But pregnant women are usually very emotional. When I am emotional (most of the nights), I sometimes cry in my bed, thinking that I mistreated this baby. And often feel that DH doesn’t care about me as much as before. Backache, leg cramp, etc – are all suffered and known by myself – alone. And very often DH doesn’t show enthusiasm to accompany me during antenatal checkup – with a lot of complaints too. No longer get shin and lower back massage from him. No longer get nice and nutritious food, not even the once-a-month-chicken-essence-treatment from MIL. When wanted to buy the Brand’s chicken essence also ‘ah-ji-ah-jo’. Very different treatment compared to when I was first pregnant.

Not sure whether it was me, who is being emotional, that feel the unfair treatment. Or, is it true that everyone just care less about this second child?

I am only worried when the child is born, whether she is loved less or not. Being a protective mother, I quietly told myself that I have to love this child A LOT, to compensate the less love she will be receiving (assumed).

But really, Ian has occupied our time so much, that we don’t even have our ‘ME-TIME’. I can’t even read a book, or do shopping freely. I really shouldn’t blame Dh for paying less attention on this child and me.