Suzette's Parenting and Breastfeeding Blog

I really feel like giving up in disciplining Ian. Whatever effort I’ve done all gone wasted.

Since Oct ’05, I’ve been spending quite a good deal in disciplining Ian, and I was very happy with the progress. After all the ‘training’, Ian is already a good boy to my standard.

During CNY break, the whole of 10-day holidays, I enjoyed our time very much as he really behaved like an angel. No problem in eating, whining etc. He was very cooperative when we brought him out; he greeted everyone and followed instruction most of the time.

After returning to work, Ian was taken over care by MIL. Not sure was it due to the long separation or not, MIL/FIL spoilt Ian so much!

I used to praise MIL for not spoiling Ian instead helped me to discipline him. However, she is now breaking all the rules that she used to set.

After 1 week, Ian became such a monster – he ONLY whined for whatever he wanted. When he was with me alone, I still kept to the rule – if you don’t speak what you want you won’t get it. But when there was someone else (MIL), he quickly turned to the person and continued whining and stumping his feet – the person immediately gave him!!!

I couldn’t take it any more and started nagging them during the second week. I kept reminding them not to give in if Ian doesn’t say what he wants but keeps whining. So much so, that MIL/FIL/SIL got irritated with me. And the weekend DH told me off. Basically, the message I received was to keep my mouth shut unless if I want to take care of Ian full-time.

I was quite upset, so the third week, I’ve decided to keep quiet and walk away when Ian misbehaved. If I were there I’d sure want to discipline him, which ultimately telling MIL not to do this do that, and upset everyone.

But then, MIL kept coming to complain how naughty Ian is and wanted me to scold Ian. Which, I couldn’t help but to respond to her that she should not give in. You see, there is no point for me to tell Ian “Hey, please tell PoPo what you want, and not just cry, otherwise…” Otherwise, what??? Do I tell him that “…otherwise, PoPo will still give you what you want anyway, so no need to say lah!”???

In fact, I seldom scold Ian. There is a great difference in scolding and disciplining. When I disciplined him, I kept to a stern voice (not loud/high-pitch), and always keep to what I say/promise. E.g.: If I say ‘I’ll off the TV if you are too near’, I really switch it off when he doesn’t move farther. I don’t scold him, I explain to him the rules and why.

It is impossible to discipline the child, if we are not consistent in our message to him or if we lie. In the TV’s case, they want to watch the program more than Ian, and they won’t switch if off anyway! They just threatened but never action.

They all like to say that Ian bullies MIL, FIL and DH. Ya, but why? I won’t blame Ian. They are the ones who gave him the message that:

hey, you are welcomed to behave like this, I’m going to give in on anything. You want me to carry you 24 hours a day without break, no problem, and I won’t sit down when I’m carrying you as you wish, too. You want to whine, no problem. You want to pour water on the floor and play with it, no problem. You want to play with food and throw them on the floor, no problem…

Last Sat, when I complaint to DH again, he told me off, by asking me to take 1-month leave to re-discipline Ian. To me, unless I quit my job, otherwise 1 month or 2 months or 3 months make no difference. I was able to make Ian a good boy anyway, but only until CNY. After that, when he is back to MIL’s care, things turned bad.

I really feel that disciplining children is not so much of a problem. But disciplining adults is a real pain. In this case, it is the adults need to be disciplined. Sigh!

During CNY, one of the in-law’s relative even lectured me, that ‘no wonder Ian doesn’t love you, because you scold him’. This statement really annoys me. First of all, I don’t scold him. Secondly, do I need to stop disciplining Ian just because I’m afraid Ian hates me? Thirdly, I don’t think he doesn’t love me – he was glued to me most of the time. Also, I hate her saying this in front of Ian, like reminding or teaching Ian to dislike me if I discipline him. I wonder anyone else do this behind my back.

You think you are doing well to him by letting him behave like this? You are only turning him into a monster that everyone hates. I love my son so much that I don’t want him to be a monster. I love him so much that I want him to be an adorable angel. You got the message? How I wish I could tell you off like this F2F, but I’m a coward I dare not to say it out loud.

After the official announcement of the new organization structure on 17 Feb, works started to flood in.  Lots of tasks were on-hold pending the new org, and they are all now pushed down to us.

Been very busy last week that I didn’t have the time to blog.  I believe it will continue for this week.

Anyway, busy is better than jobless.  Though I was told another round of re-org will take place 1 year from now, I am still glad that I got the job.  Another year is another year’s problem now… 

Yesterday, DH spent another day running between the bank and EPF.

It was confirmed what they sent to us, the so called Deed of Assignment, was actually the bank’s offer letter, and it was not acceptable by EPF. After such a long wait and paid RM25 for it! @#$@#$*(&!

DH called from the EPF office, and this terrible Standard Chartered Bank staff, dare to say that they are the same. He said Deed of Assignment and Assignment are the same stuff.

First of all, if they only have Assignment or Letter of Offer (are they even the same stuff??), they should not write something else in the letter. When they put down in the letter: ‘Deed of Assignment’, EPF will need to see a document that says exactly the same.

Secondly, to EPF (and actually to us too!), Deed of Assignment and Offer Letters are two completely different things!

I really don’t know what is the status now, and how to proceed. Now another 3 months nearly passed, another 3 months interest on our loan. Feel so sick of it. SCB should change name to CCB.

We withdrew our EPF money in Nov 2003 to reduce our housing loan principal. That time, everything went smooth, with just one visit to the EPF office.

2 years after that, we planned to do the second withdrawal. The bank took 2-3 weeks to send the withdrawal letter to us (so long!).

DH and I went to the EPF office week of 5 Dec 2003. We brought all the documents with us already, but were informed by the officer that we are lack of Deed of Assignment, which was written in the bank’s letter.

We really scratched our head, because of all the legal documents we have, there is no such thing as Deed of Assignment. What we had is Deed of Assignment Cum something (which I forgot). We naturally thought that document is the DA, given that it is ‘cum’ something.

However, EPF office refused to process our application for the reason of ‘incomplete document’.

After a lot of hassle, the bank finally charged us RM25 to retrieve a copy of the DA. 3-4 weeks already passed from the day we faxed and they confirmed receipt of our request. Until yesterday we still didn’t receive the doc.

It was after DH called yesterday and threatened to report this to Bank Negara, then only immediately they sent out the document by courier, and reached us at 4pm yesterday. What kind of bank is this?

During this period, we have been keeping in touch with the EPF officer, and we told him not to cancel our application. However, whenever DH visited, the officer always said he would call us back after he check the stuff. And when DH calls, he is always having his tea break – ALWAYS.

At 3pm yesterday, DH called him again, he was out for tea. At 4:05pm, DH called again, but received this recording (translated): “Our office hour is from 8:30am to 5:30pm. Please call again during our office hour”.

DH was so mad of that! He called the general EPF hotline, and complaint to the guy. And the hotline staff told him that they received a lot of similar complaints already – but why don’t do something about it???!!!

And the worst thing is, when we reached home yesterday, we received a letter from EPF saying that they have cancelled our application because there was no follow up from us. If we wish to withdraw the money, we will need to re-apply – meaning, need to get ALL the documents again, and have our fingerprints again! Basically start from scratch!

What kind of working attitude from both the EPF and Standard Chartered Bank?

Both companies suck! In fact the DA that the SCB sent us, is just a letter-like, not even stamped document, unlike what we have for the other loans. Really feel like cursing.

Warning: another lime post from a proud mother…

There are two things I want to record on Ian’s achievement, though they may sound nothing great to others.

——

Two weeks ago, still during CNY. I was busy in the kitchen, and Ian was looking for his bolster, which I hid in the bedroom.

I heard him: “抱枕(bolster), where are you? Where are you? Where are you?…”
… as if the bolster will respond to him. The sight was very cute, I really don’t know how to describe it.

——

Two days ago, on Monday evening, MIL told me that Ian knows how to sing the lullaby song of ‘小宝宝’.  I thought she was referring to the tune, which I already knew some time ago, so I ignored it.

Reached our apartment, DH told me that Ian actually sang the whole of phrase 1 in that morning! He asked Ian to demonstrate to me, but Ian refused to.

So, we asked him to sing to the baby in my tummy. He happy sang: “小宝宝, 快睡觉, 妈妈在你身边.”  His tune was out, but he could sing the whole phrase correctly!

We wanted to record it, but he refused to cooperate the moment he saw our camera. Yesterday, I finally managed to record the sound with my PDA, though missed the first 2 syllabuses.

The way he sang is very cute. I kept playing it this morning for my own entertainment. Very fun!